Will you blow on my dice?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
