Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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