Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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