So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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