Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
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She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
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I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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