I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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