Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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