drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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