I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
