I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's blow job season.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
