Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I enjoy the company of your penis
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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