Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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