You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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