I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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