Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
