I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
