Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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