So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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