It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
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He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
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I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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