omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Less talking, more tequila
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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