im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I did not marry a roomba.
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