How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
