Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
