My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
