Say something about gay babies.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
