the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
