that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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