Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
