I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
