i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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