i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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