Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
