My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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