u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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