I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I want a musical about memes.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
