I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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