Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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