Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
the liver wants what the liver wants
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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