Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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