i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
