I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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