Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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