Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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