Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
