There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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