We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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