How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
