it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
