What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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