god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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