u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
