I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think I won the penis lottery.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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