Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
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How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
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Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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