so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
