just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
