If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
