toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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