why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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