I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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