Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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