Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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