i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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