so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
