I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
