I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
