i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
