You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
