i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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