but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
