is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
