I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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