I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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